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Every so often, life takes a swing at you, connects and knocks you flat. When this happens, it’s hard to imagine ever coming out the other side. But you can bounce back. Try these seven steps to get through it and move on to a new chapter of your life.

1. Get pissed off.

Being resilient doesn’t mean you have to smile serenely like a Stepford wife. “It’s critical to acknowledge to yourself whatever emotions you’re going through, and share them with other people who can support you and help you keep perspective,” says Mary Alvord, Ph.D., a psychologist in Maryland and a public-education coordinator for the American Psychological Association, who also confirms that holding in emotions is bad for your health. So go ahead and rage and curse until you start to feel better.

2. Quit catastrophizing.

After a few days or weeks (depending on the scope of your crisis), that initial wave of emotions will start to feel a little less apocalyptic. That’s the time to take a new look at the situation. “We spend a lot of mental energy making problems much bigger than they really are,” says Karen Reivich, Ph.D., a psychologist and director of training programs for the Penn Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania. The loss of a job can morph into thoughts of I’m going to live on the streets.

“When you hear that voice in your head, label it as the worst-case scenario,” she says. Then write it down along with the best-possible scenario—I'll help an old lady across the street, and she’ll leave me her estate in her will. Finally, put down the most-likely scenario—I’ll tighten my belt while I find a new job. “As you write things down, you can feel your anxiety start to lessen,” Reivich says.

3. Assemble your pit crew.

You know those friends who love to snipe about how bosses suck and husbands don’t appreciate you? Don’t call them. They will keep you stuck at Step 1. Relationships can only buoy you through bad times if they’re based on positive traits, says David Palmiter, Ph.D., a professor of clinical psychology at Marywood University. Make a list of the friends who listen without reinforcing negative feelings and who root for you to succeed. Then meet for lunch or a jog so you can soak in their advice.

4. Make your what-I’ve-got list.

Though it may be hard to feel thankful right now, there is always something to be grateful for. Studies have shown that keeping a gratitude journal makes you feel more optimistic, the cornerstone of resilience. Grab a notepad and list the good stuff that you have in your life, from the big picture (your partner, your kids) to the small (the flowers that bloomed on your terrace this morning, the Thai restaurant that gives you extra spring rolls).

While you’re at it, make a list of your own best qualities, Reivich suggests. Do you have a great sense of humor? Skills in the kitchen? “When you take time to think about what you do best, you can more easily access those strengths when you’re facing a challenge,” she says.

5. Plan your strategy.

The key to resiliency is to spend less energy on what you can’t change and more on things you can be proactive about, Alvord says. If your child has been diagnosed with a learning disorder, instead of wondering Why him? take the skills you listed in Step 4 and work on the things you can control—finding a top-notch tutor, nurturing his talents, and letting him know how much you adore him. “Ruminating over the problem can get you stuck in a holding pattern,” Reivich says, “but focusing on solutions can help you see a way forward.”

6. Make your plan B (and C).

Once you’ve got your immediate situation under control, start thinking ahead. “If you remain flexible, a crisis can open up opportunities,” Alvord points out. Let’s say you get laid off. There may be some tough times ahead, but there will be new possibilities too: you can spend the summer with your kids, downsize to a less-stressful life, go back to school for that degree.

7. Do good.

Spreading positive karma by volunteering or just helping a neighbor will help you conquer any lingering feelings of helplessness. “Not only are you proving to yourself that you have the ability to make a difference in your life, but you are literally making the world a better place,” Palmiter says. In the end, resilience is about knowing that you have the power to adjust your plans and feel secure in your new normal. Once you have that, you’ll feel as good as you did before—if not better.

As previously posted on Health.com